In a world filled with constant conversation—at home, in the media, and online—it can be surprisingly difficult to tell the difference between facts and opinions. Yet understanding that difference is essential if we want healthier relationships and more meaningful communication. This article aims to unravel the confusion surrounding how we use opinions in our societal, marital, and individual conversations.
There are two types of information exchanged when people communicate: facts and opinions. Facts describe what actually happened, while opinions reflect our interpretation of those facts. The moment we begin explaining what the facts mean to us, we are sharing personal opinions, not facts.
When we listen to a news report in which a newscaster presents the details of an incident, we are hearing a news story. However, the moment the newscaster adds interpretation or judgment about those details, it becomes an opinion piece intended to influence what the audience believes is right or wrong.
Similarly, when a couple begins an argument about an incident, they often start by describing what happened. Conflict escalates when one or both individuals begin presenting their opinions as if they were facts. At that point, curiosity is replaced with a need to be right: “I am right, and you are wrong.” Using an opinion as a weapon to win an argument always makes you wrong.
Consider a couple standing outside their home one early afternoon in Southern Utah, enjoying the 96-degree weather. As they stand in their yard, a man rides past on a mountain bike, wearing a green tank top, red shorts, flip-flops, and no helmet.
The husband looks at his spouse and says, “Look at that guy. Doesn’t he have a job he should be at? And it’s way too hot to be out riding a bike.”
His spouse replies, “I think he looks carefree. I envy that. The temperature feels just right for a ride, although I wish he were wearing a helmet.”
Everything the couple expressed to each other was opinion. The observable facts were simple: a man, a mountain bike, a green tank top, red shorts, flip-flops, and no helmet. These are measurable details. How often do we argue over opinions rather than first identifying facts and then thoughtfully exploring our interpretations?
Consider another example. Recent news reports described an incident in which an ICE agent and a nurse were involved in a physical altercation on a street during a protest, resulting in the nurse’s death. Beyond these core details, much of what is discussed publicly consists of interpretation. Some describe the agent as acting with unjust force, while others argue the situation involved self-defense. These differing narratives illustrate how quickly opinions form around limited facts.
Both of the examples I just described illustrate that none of us can know the heart of another person. We cannot fully know another person’s motives or intentions. That is why opinions, while meaningful, must be handled with care. Their purpose is not to end conversations but to invite thoughtful dialogue and better questions. Imagine how unsafe it would be if opinions were presented as facts and disagreements were met with hostility or even violence. Now contrast that with a conversation in which both individuals acknowledge the facts and then explore their perspectives with curiosity and respect. That approach fosters understanding, safety, and connection.
I have two challenges for you this summer. First, remember the meaning of these four important terms:
• Fact: something that actually exists or occurs; an event or situation that is measurable.
• Opinion: a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in an individual’s mind about a particular matter.
• Belief: a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in a person, idea, or thing; something accepted as true or proven.
• Principle: a comprehensive and/or fundamental law or guiding truth.
The second challenge is to be a Master Communicator by practicing these four skills when interacting with your spouse, friends, or even the media:
Challenge #1
Follow this rule: “Seek first to understand, not to be right.”
Challenge #2
Listen for the actual facts. What truly occurred and what can be measured?
Challenge #3
Separate your opinion from the facts. Seek ways to explore other opinions that are different from your own. Remember, listening to and validating another opinion is not the same as agreeing with it.
Challenge #4
Check your strongly held beliefs with principles given to us from the beginning of time. Principles are laws or rules that govern reality. Before you form a strongly held belief about a subject, be certain this belief aligns with a principle.
Ultimately, the quality of our conversations and our relationships depends on our ability to distinguish between what is true and what we believe about what is true. When we approach others with curiosity instead of certainty, we create space for understanding, respect, and growth. In a world full of differing perspectives, that ability may be one of the most important skills we can develop.
Relationships & Connection
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Matt lives in St. George, Utah, where he and his wife, Chris, are enjoying their life with each other. Since their children have grown up and moved out to pursue their dreams, Matt and Chris travel the world. They want to visit 200 countries before they are done. Matt and Chris are active in their community and enjoy working out, training for marathons, and spending time participating in numerous activities with their adult children.
Matt received a PhD in psychology. He is focused on the arena of resolving personal conflicts and improving interpersonal relationships. In addition to his doctorate degree, Matt has earned a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, studied criminal justice and received a category one license with Peace Officer Standards and Training, and received a degree in the Arts of Business Management. Matt is a professor at Dixie State University and hopes to be part of the positive growth of Southern Utah.