How to Find Your Power When Life Feels Out of Control

You know the feeling: life is coming at you at mach speed, personal catastrophes pull the rug out from under you, or life threatens to overwhelm and swallow you whole. At times like these, when life feels out of control, it’s all you can do to hold on and keep standing. Over the years, I’ve learned through personal experience some ways to help maintain a sense of personal power and control in difficult circumstances.

In Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we learn about the habit of balancing self-renewal by taking time for yourself—what he calls “sharpening the saw.” It’s a way of taking a break in your busy life so that you can actually become more productive.

I witnessed this in action many years ago from my mother-in-law, Mary Ann. She had eight children, and by the time I joined the family, there were nearly fifty of us. One particular Thanksgiving, I was at Mary Ann’s home while she was in the middle of preparing homemade noodles, rolls, and all the delicious food for the holiday. I watched in amazement as she happily worked in the kitchen for a while, then poured herself a Diet Coke to enjoy while she sat on the sofa and read a novel. She read for about twenty minutes or so, then went back into the kitchen to continue preparations. Again, after a time, she rejoined her book in the living room.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She was balancing work with rest and pleasure. I didn’t know you could do that! I had always been one to “get the work done first,” which, in fact, left me exhausted by the time I finished. I adopted her method into my own life, and I can personally attest that you will actually get more done if you incorporate rest and enjoyment into your busy schedule. In this way, you will regain control amid the fast pace of life.

Sometimes you might find yourself in the midst of a crisis. This is when you feel you’re hanging on for dear life, just trying to endure the issue at hand. That’s when you drop anything that isn’t necessary and delegate tasks that can be done by someone else. A neighbor can pick up the kids from school; you can order dinner; someone else can do the laundry.

Again, please take some time to rest, even if it’s just sitting down and breathing for ten minutes. On the other hand, doing household chores during turmoil and grief can feel surprisingly empowering. For example, it can feel freeing to clean out the fridge or get rid of that drawer full of holey socks. The key is that your actions—whether resting or cleaning—give you a sense of personal power and control over some aspect of your life.

Life these days seems overwhelming for most of us. Maybe there isn’t a specific crisis in your life right now, but the busyness of everyday living can steal your joy if you aren’t careful. Don’t let that happen! The above scenarios and their remedies apply here as well, so let’s recap:

Sharpen the saw. Take breaks throughout the day, even if they’re only five minutes. Those few moments can work wonders for your sense of control.

Delegate to others when you can. If it doesn’t matter who does it and you feel buried in responsibility, let someone else pitch in. You focus on the priority.

Sit down and breathe. I mean really breathe. Find a method that calms and restores you, and incorporate it throughout the day.

Take control by taking action. Do what you can control: clean your house or dejunk a drawer. Anything that clears out clutter gives you a sense of peace, empowerment, and control.

Feel free to add to this list. It might include prayer, meditation, exercise, or spending time outside in the fresh air. All of these can renew and refresh you.

In this life, we all have things we can control and many things we can’t. Trying to control what isn’t yours will only add to your frustration. Taking action on the things you can control will help you reclaim your power.

Please know that you can call on others for help. You are not meant to walk through this life alone. Do what you can, then let go. Be as kind to yourself as possible, and trust that life is teaching you profound lessons you can’t learn any other way than by pushing through.

You can do hard things! You can do great things, even in the midst of overwhelm and grief. On the other side of this challenge is a stronger, wiser, and more patient version of yourself. Keep going; the person you’re becoming is worth it.